Surviving The Waiting Room

SURVIVING THE WAITING ROOM



The Hospital Waiting Room, we’ve all been there, at one time or another. Passing the time with a minimum of stress is not easy but it can be done. Read on and learn what to do, what not to do, who, and what, to avoid.


TIME passes at an exponentially slower rate once you enter the waiting room. The stress of getting the patient to pre-op, on time, evaporates in a millisecond. You have experienced the rush, in more than one sense, of just getting here. Suddenly you have gone from having no time to spare to having to endure a seemingly endless wait. This is a big adjustment. Our society is restless in nature. You have to fight the instinct to move. You have to relax and, contrary to our lifestyle which bases so much on immediate gratification along with maximum control, you have to resign yourself to the fact that there will be an extended wait and you have no control, whatsoever. If you resist it will accomplish nothing except to annoy everyone around you and induce high blood pressure. Look at the people already there, they’re your clocks. One by one, their names will be called and they will be reunited with their loved ones. You will soon be a timepiece for those who arrive after you. You’re part of a team and whoever arrives after you will be counting on you to do your part. If a glance is shared, a smile or a nod you will bond instantly. Like you, they’re uneasy. Conversation is to be encouraged and it is absolutely essential you be able to identify the different types of personalities you will encounter.

PEOPLE are all different. You must be able to recognize the precise nature of the party you’re communicating with or the results could be disastrous. The most offensive personality type is the PACER. This person has no patience whatsoever and is convinced the entire universe is there for his or her exclusive benefit. They are typically reckless drivers who sit behind the wheel of over-sized cars they don’t need. They attend religious services on major holidays, if the weather is good and they can be seen. They are the ones who fight their way in for a plum seat while those from the prior service are leaving. They leave the service early and will run over anyone in the parking lot who gets in their way. They frequently use the Handicapped parking space since they “are only going in for a minute.” The Pacer constantly demands the attention of the Volunteer who sits at the Information desk. He, or she, questions everything and never completely settles when given a reply. They have a tremendous sense of entitlement which irritates everyone they come into contact with. They are to be avoided, at all costs. If this description fits you, trade in your car for a compact and get therapy. No one likes you and they never will if you don’t change. Having identified the Pacer, casually move your seat, avoid them. Find a cover for the relocation, maybe there is a magazine across the area you want to read. Maybe you want to look out the window. Be subtle and be fast. They’re stress-inducers of the highest order. They will make the wait unbearable.


The Saint is someone who is quiet, reserved, considerate and patient. They are devoted to their loved ones. They see the wait as a time to read, collect their thoughts and reflect. They drive environmentally safe cars, they recycle and attend religious services regularly. They are content to stand or sit in a bad seat. They will not seek to engage you in conversation but if you speak they will be more than polite. They are courteous to the Volunteer. The Saints tend to group together like tropical fish. When you assess the Saint group find a way to sit nearby. Their presence is a natural repellant to the Pacer.

It is important that you have a self-awareness of which group you fall into. If you have Pacer tendencies, try to suppress them. It will make your day pass more agreeably.


ATMOSPHERE cannot be stressed enough. Most waiting rooms are tranquil. There may be television sets or piped in music to provide distractions. Newspapers are provided and it is suggested that when you read a paper you place it in the common, open area. Few things raise ire more quickly than the skin flint, usually a Pacer, who feels the urge to abscond with the daily. If you have time, and you do, a walk may be in order. Clear your mind, enjoy the change of scenery. It is not suggested that you go home, that would be rude, even if your home is within walking distance. Stay close, your presence is a statement of devotion to your friend or loved one. Bringing a book along can’t hurt even if you cannot concentrate. Please don’t refuse a friend who offers to keep you company, unless they are a Pacer. Dress comfortably also, this may be a long day. Don’t forget to eat and drink at some point. Should you pass out it would be awkward if you woke up in a bed across from your friend. Most importantly, be thankful that you’re in the waiting area and not inside.

An Islander And Proud Of If

We’re Islanders and we should be proud of it. What have we got that the rest of the free world should be envious of? Here is a list:

We have more strip malls per square mile than anywhere. In fact, if you stand still in one spot long enough chances are someone will ask you to move so they can break ground.

We have a drive through for almost everything. We’re not just talking food, you can get prescriptions this way! I’m waiting for the first drive through bathroom. They’ll find a way. It will probably involve suction until some pervert comes along and ruins it for everybody.

We have every kind of church and/or organized religion available. There are quite a few First Baptist churches, First Methodist churches and First Presbyterian churches. How they all got there first is anyone’s guess. We have temples, cathedrals and even storefronts. The one thing every faith has in common? People of every denomination try to kill each other after their services to get out of the parking lot first. Maybe they just want to move their fellow followers closer to their deity.

We have every kind of restaurant and food imaginable. I bet you could find a Norse take out place if you looked hard enough. Hint: Look for the horns.

We have the worst drivers on the planet. Don’t take my word for this, have a spin on the LIE at rush hour and behold the inhumanity. What’s scary is many of the lunatics you’ll see can vote and own property. Their goal, get home before the other guy, at all costs. If they ever institute a draft, get these clowns first. If they’re willing to kill to get to the red light before anyone else imagine how good they’ll be in charging a machine gun nest?

Our beaches are the best. You can’t beat the South Shore with Jones Beach. This is the place to be in the summer. You may have need a mortgage to pay the toll and for lunch. You may have to allow an hour to walk from the car to the surf but once you’re there it’s superb. Clean air, crowds, overfilled trash cans, suicidal sea gulls and overpriced concessions. This is America at its best.

The North Shore is quaint and a bit less crowded. There are no breakers but you’ll find some beautiful places with snobby locals.

Who can match our Multiplexes? There are some with up to a dozen auditoriums and it costs more than ever. I would suggest you arrive later than normal so you miss the annoying commercials (M & M’s, come on already!). This way you can catch the trailers for the films slated to be released over the next decade. Why not have some fun? Try and count how many trailers are shown. At the end of the previews can you remember the movie you’d actually gone to see?

Everything is overpriced. Looking for a bargain is a full time job but it can be done.

There’s no time like now to move here. You can scarcely break wind without hitting a “For Sale” sign. There is one on every block, it’s an unwritten law.


To be continued…

Surviving The Waiting Room

The Hospital Waiting Room, we’ve all been there, at one time or another. Passing the time with a minimum of stress is not easy but it can be done. Read on and learn what to do, what not to do, who, and what, to avoid.TIME passes at an exponentially slower rate once you enter the waiting room. The stress of getting the patient to pre-op, on time, evaporates in a millisecond. You have experienced the rush, in more than one sense, of just getting here. Suddenly you have gone from having no time to spare to having to endure a seemingly endless wait. This is a big adjustment. Our society is restless in nature. You have to fight the instinct to move. You have to relax and, contrary to our lifestyle which bases so much on immediate gratification along with maximum control, you have to resign yourself to the fact that there will be an extended wait and you have no control, whatsoever. If you resist it will accomplish nothing except to annoy everyone around you and induce high blood pressure. Look at the people already there, they’re your clocks. One by one, their names will be called and they will be reunited with their loved ones. You will soon be a timepiece for those who arrive after you. You’re part of a team and whoever arrives after you will be counting on you to do your part. If a glance is shared, a smile or a nod you will bond instantly. Like you, they’re uneasy. Conversation is to be encouraged and it is absolutely essential you be able to identify the different types of personalities you will encounter. PEOPLE are all different. You must be able to recognize the precise nature of the party you’re communicating with or the results could be disastrous. The most offensive personality type is the PACER. This person has no patience whatsoever and is convinced the entire universe is there for his or her exclusive benefit. They are typically reckless drivers who sit behind the wheel of over-sized cars they don’t need. They attend religious services on major holidays, if the weather is good and they can be seen. They are the ones who fight their way in for a plum seat while those from the prior service are leaving. They leave the service early and will run over anyone in the parking lot who gets in their way. They frequently use the Handicapped parking space since they “are only going in for a minute.” The Pacer constantly demands the attention of the Volunteer who sits at the Information desk. He, or she, questions everything and never completely settles when given a reply. They have a tremendous sense of entitlement which irritates everyone they come into contact with. They are to be avoided, at all costs. If this description fits you, trade in your car for a compact and get therapy. No one likes you and they never will if you don’t change. Having identified the Pacer, casually move your seat, avoid them. Find a cover for the relocation, maybe there is a magazine across the area you want to read. Maybe you want to look out the window. Be subtle and be fast. They’re stress-inducers of the highest order. They will make the wait unbearable. The Saint is someone who is quiet, reserved, considerate and patient. They are devoted to their loved ones. They see the wait as a time to read, collect their thoughts and reflect. They drive environmentally safe cars, they recycle and attend religious services regularly. They are content to stand or sit in a bad seat. They will not seek to engage you in conversation but if you speak they will be more than polite. They are courteous to the Volunteer. The Saints tend to group together like tropical fish. When you assess the Saint group find a way to sit nearby. Their presence is a natural repellant to the Pacer. It is important that you have a self-awareness of which group you fall into. If you have Pacer tendencies, try to suppress them. It will make your day pass more agreeably. ATMOSPHERE cannot be stressed enough. Most waiting rooms are tranquil. There may be television sets or piped in music to provide distractions. Newspapers are provided and it is suggested that when you read a paper you place it in the common, open area. Few things raise ire more quickly than the skin flint, usually a Pacer, who feels the urge to abscond with the daily. If you have time, and you do, a walk may be in order. Clear your mind, enjoy the change of scenery. It is not suggested that you go home, that would be rude, even if your home is within walking distance. Stay close, your presence is a statement of devotion to your friend or loved one. Bringing a book along can’t hurt even if you cannot concentrate. Please don’t refuse a friend who offers to keep you company, unless they are a Pacer. Dress comfortably also, this may be a long day. Don’t forget to eat and drink at some point. Should you pass out it would be awkward if you woke up in a bed across from your friend. Most importantly, be thankful that you’re in the waiting area and not inside.